“I have an enormous amount of trouble trying to get people to come to my place.  I hate it.  I can’t tell you how much leftover guacamole I have ended up eating over the years.  I don’t even know why I make it in such great quantities.” -Michael Scott, Dunder Mifflin‘s clueless and awkward boss on the American version of Ricky Gervais‘s brilliant “The Office“

What time is it?  It’s guac o’clock!  (Sorry, couldn’t resist that one…..)

I’m fairly certain I want guacamole for my last meal on Earth.  Ditto my next meal, and most of the ones in between that one and the last one.  Besides being an incredibly fun word to say, “guacamole” is, for my money, one of the best flavor combinations that exists in any cuisine.  That is, of course, assuming it’s good.  And guac is one of those things.  When it’s good, it’s incredible, but when it’s bad…..oh man, is it bad.  Typically, guacamole involves, well, mashed avocado flesh, of course, as well as some type of onion, some lime juice, and cilantro.  Often there are tomatoes involved as well, but not always.  I’m baffled as to how this can go so incredibly wrong for some people/restaurants, so I’d like to give my readers a couple of helpful suggestions and tricks that I believe create the perfect guac every time.

First things first with this recipe:  the ingredients absolutely matter.  Since nothing is being cooked here, you want the best, most flavorful ingredients you can find.  Guacamole is also full of fabulous colors and is quite beautiful to look at.  I always try to make it as vibrant as possible.  For example, I will always go for tomatoes on the vine for guacamole, as they are firm, not too sweet, and bright fire-engine red for the most part.  I also always go for red onions instead of regular yellow onions because of the crunch and color.  Avocados oxidize and turn black notoriously fast.  The acid in lime juice prevents this from happening, so an easy trick to getting the avocados to stay beautiful and bright green is to mash the avocado flesh with the lime juice as a first step.

Repeat after me:  Life is too short for bad guacamole.  Life is too short for bad guacamole.  Life is too short for bad guacamole.

Ingredients:

2 ripe Hass Avocados (NOTE:  Avocados are ripe when the skin is a dark, almost black color, and there is some give when gentle pressure is applied.  They should also smell like fresh avocado, not like rotten vegetable.  They are overly ripe when the skin rips or cracks with gentle pressure.)

Zest of 1 lime

Juice of 1 lime

1 small red onion, washed, peeled, and diced fine

1 tomato on the vine, washed, seeded, and diced fine

1 clove garlic, minced very fine

1 Serrano pepper, washed, cored, seeded, and minced very fine

Handful of cilantro leaves, washed, dried well, and chopped fine

Drizzle of extra-virgin olive oil

Kosher salt & freshly ground black pepper

Instructions:

1.  Split the avocados in half lengthwise by running a knife through the avocado skin and flesh, going around the pit.  When your knife has gone all the way around the pit, simply twist the halves apart.  The pit will stay with one half.  To remove the pit, hit it lightly with the sharp side of a knife blade and twist.  It should pop out easily.  Scoop the avocado flesh out of the skin with a spoon and add to a mixing bowl.  Dump in the lime zest and juice and mash with a potato masher until the desired consistency is achieved.  I like there to be some texture in my guacamole, but I’m not into the big huge chunks either.

2.  Add the diced red onions and tomatoes, and the minced garlic and Serrano chiles.  Stir gently to incorporate.

3.  Drizzle with a bit of extra-virgin olive oil, and add the chopped cilantro leaves.  Stir again gently to incorporate.  Season to taste with salt and pepper, and serve immediately with tortilla chips.  If storing in the refrigerator, make sure you cover with plastic wrap and press the wrap down into the bowl so that the plastic covers the entire surface of the guacamole.  This will help it to retain the nice bright color and not oxidize.  You’ll still want to gobble it up within a day or two, though.

Yield: This recipe will make about 2 cups of guacamole, which I can probably down in about 5 minutes by myself in one sitting.  You might want to double or triple this recipe if you’re making it for a party.