“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant???  I’m halfway through my fish burger and I realize ‘Oh my God…..I could be eating a slow learner.” -Lyndon B. Johnson, Democratic poverty and civil rights advocate, as well as 36th president of the United States, stepping into office upon the assassination of JFK

I have a really, really soft spot for Thai food, and that spot is located somewhere in the vicinity of my tummy, of course.  (You might call it my “T-Spot” – har har.)  When I was in my early twenties, I quit my very corporate fashion design job, where I absolutely loved and adored my boss but hated everything else about it (I couldn’t stand the ridiculous dress code, the speaking in abbreviated corporate nonsense language, and the required attendance at quarterly stock report meetings, for example…..), and booked myself a round trip ticket to Bangkok, leaving in 2 weeks, returning to New York 2 weeks after that.  I had no idea what I was going to do for money when I came home, no idea where I was going to stay or what I was going to do when I got to Asia, and no idea what to tell my parents, who I figured, quite logically, probably, had long since given up on trying to stop me from doing anything.  I was dating a very handsome, very awesome aspiring writer at the time, and I knew when I got on the plane that I’d be coming back to a relationship in ruins.  Despite caring for him immensely, I didn’t care.  I needed perspective and direction.  I needed to look in on my life from somewhere waaaaay outside.

I had never been to Asia before, and I had never travelled alone.  I just knew I wanted to go to Thailand.  I’d heard so many lovely stories from friends, and even after suffering through Alex Garland‘s cringe-worthy book “The Beach,” I was still able to find a certain mystique in Thailand.  This was before the infamous 2004 earthquake and subsequent tsunami (which absolutely ravaged and destroyed, very sadly, the exact areas where I visited), before trendy tourism made it popular to college students hungry for Full Moon Parties and Muay Thai matches.  I wanted to travel cheap to somewhere I’d never ventured, be on a beautiful, quiet beach, read books, SCUBA dive, eat delicious food, and meet interesting people.  I wanted to set myself up in a situation full of unknowns, variables, and uncharted territory, and know that I could handle myself just fine.

Out of nowhere, my gorgeous, amazing, talented, Mommy-to-the-most-adorable-child-ever (next to Luke, of course) friend Suzanne gave me the name of her ex-boyfriend’s sister Kiera, who just happened to be a SCUBA instructor on the island of Koh Phi Phi.  I travelled 12 hours on a double-decker bus, alone with stinky hippies, from Bangkok to the port city of Krabi, then boarded a ferry to Koh Phi Phi, walked down the pier, found the name of the SCUBA shop where Kiera worked, walked up to the first girl I saw inside, and said “Is Kiera working, by chance?”  The girl replied “I’m Kiera.”  This was such a magical moment, and it resulted in a 10-day stay at her incredible stilted, bamboo jungle bungalow in the hills with an outdoor river-rock shower and porch hammock, diving lessons every day (I got my advanced license!!!), lots of friends, and waking up to an alarm clock of other-worldly gorgeous chanting from a Muslim temple nearby on the island.  There were no cars (no motorbikes even!), and there was hardly hot water (I was lucky to have a fresh-water shower at my disposal at this time…..most showers on the island were salt-water!)…..but the food was always so amazing.  On our dive boats we were always given a bottle of drinking water, and a container of the most amazing freshly-prepared fried rice with pineapples.  At night the open-air restaurants along the beach would have empty wooden rowboats filled with ice and the day’s seafood catch on display.  If I got hungry during the day it cost me the equivalent of $1.50 to have a smiling local make me the most amazing cashew chicken ever in a giant wok, right in front of me on the street.  There were incredible Muslim markets (where I had maybe the spiciest food of my life!  Yowza.), the Thai pancake stands, and the gorgeous cocktails served to me on a bamboo beach mat (or swings!) at Karma Bar (now moved to Koh Lipe *sniffle*).  I read Siddhartha in one blissful afternoon on Koh Phi Phi, dove down to a sunken car ferry where I was almost stung by a lionfish I didn’t notice about 1″ from my fins (a hardcore injury that often requires dunking of the inflicted area in boiling water just to feel relief…..can you imagine???), and witnessed more than a few snorkel tests.

These are all, among other wonderful tidbits, amazing memories, of course – but what I really took home with me was the food.  Thai restaurants are practically an infectious disease in New York City these days, and it’s easy to get tired of Thai when it’s as ubiquitous as Starbucks.  But, see, now it’s full-blown summer in NYC, and the principles of Thai cuisine just really lend themselves to this season.  Fresh seafood, fresh produce, fresh herbs, eating outdoors, eating light, etc.  Maybe you can’t find all of these ingredients at your local farmer’s market like a good little food-Samaritan, but I will always encourage the exploration of new ideas and experiments over all that political stuff any day.

Here I’ve created an homage to the food I loved so much on the Thai beaches, but I can hardly call it a literally “Thai” dish.  I’m a white chick that lives in Brooklyn, and I just barely have any idea what I’m talking about, so I’m safely going with “Thai-inspired.”  This dish includes squid, which, seriously, if you’ve never cooked it before, is SO EASY to work with, provided you buy it cleaned for you.  It was, in fact, so easy to work with that I can’t wait to work with it again!  It also includes shrimp, crab, and a whole bunch of healthy vegetables, condiments, and herbs that are both easy to find these days at regular old supermarkets, and easy to swap out for other things if necessary.  This is a wonderful, light, healthy, flavorful dish that is perfect for summer and perfect for calorie-watching.  You’ll never miss the virtually-absent fat, I promise.

Ingredients:

1/4 lb. cleaned (wild, if possible) squid, tentacle portions halved, and bodies cut into rings approximately 1/4″ wide

1/4 lb. wild shrimp (medium-large), shelled and de-veined (NOTE:  Shells can always be reserved for stock, and buying shell-on shrimp is often cheaper.)

1/4 lb. pre-steamed crab meat (wild, if possible), picked through for shell fragments (NOTE:  I used a combination of premium lump crabmeat and back-fin meat.  Either or both is fine for this dish.)

1/2 cup coconut water (NOTE:  I used Vita Coco, but you could absolutely just pierce a coconut and use fresh coconut water too.)

Juice from 1 lime

Zest from 1/2 lime

1/2 red onion, washed, peeled, and sliced into very thin half-moons

1 Serrano pepper, stem, seeds, and ribs removed, washed, and diced fine  (NOTE:  You could also use 1/2 Jalapeño pepper here, or for very mild heat, about 1/4 Poblano pepper)

1 clove garlic, washed, smashed, skins removed, and minced very fine

1 1/2 tbsp. soy sauce

1 tsp. fish sauce

2 tsp. light brown sugar

1 tsp. Asian chile sauce  (NOTE:  I used a type of Sambal, which I found at Chelsea Thai, the best Thai grocery/Thai food in NYC that I’ve found so far, located in Chelsea Market)

1 tsp. fresh ginger, peeled and minced very fine

1/2 small-medium head of Napa cabbage, washed, dried, and shredded fine

Big handful snow pea shoots, washed and dried well

1 scallion, washed, dried well, and sliced into fine rounds (all the way from root to tip)

1/4 cup dried coconut flakes, toasted in a dry pan over medium heat until golden brown around the edges

Good handful of fresh cilantro leaves, washed and dried well

Good handful of fresh mint leaves, washed and dried well

Good handful of fresh basil leaves (Thai basil, ideally), washed and dried well

1/4 cup unsalted, shelled peanuts, toasted in a dry pan over medium heat until golden brown, and then coarsely chopped

Kosher salt & freshly ground black pepper

Flaked sea salt, such as Maldon brand

Instructions:

1.  Bring a saucepan full of salted water to a boil on the stove.  You want the water to taste salty like seawater.  (Go on, test it out!)  While you’re waiting for the water to boil, prepare a big bowl full of ice water and a plate lined with paper towels to have ready.  When the water comes up to a nice, rapid boil, chuck in the squid and shrimp, and cook for exactly one minute.  When the minute is up, transfer the fish to the ice water to shock them and stop the cooking process, and then remove to the paper towel-lined plate.

2.  In a clean stainless steel or glass workbowl, combine the coconut water, lime juice, and lime zest.  Add the cooked squid and shrimp, as well as the crab meat, and stir well to coat.  Store, covered, in the refrigerator for 1 hour, stirring occasionally.

3.  While the seafood is in the refrigerator, combine the red onion, Serrano pepper, garlic, soy sauce, fish sauce, brown sugar, chile sauce, and ginger.  When the time is up in the refrigerator, add all of the seafood and liquid to the other ingredients and stir to coat.  Add the cabbage, pea shoots, scallion, toasted coconut flakes, cilantro, mint, and basil, and stir just enough to distribute evenly.  Season to taste with salt & pepper.  Divide evenly onto salad plates, sprinkle with peanuts and sea salt, and serve immediately.

Yield: This’ll get ya about 4 appetizer-sized salads or about 2 entrée-sized ones.  Thai it on, dudes.