“They’re only noodles Michael.” -Kiefer Sutherland as David, the darkly smug leader of Santa Carla’s vampire gang, in Joel Schumacher‘s classic 1987 movie The Lost Boys

Yes, there is tofu in this recipe.  Don’t freak out.  Let me explain.

I didn’t become a vegan (or even a vegetarian) as a result of some wine-induced frenzy of New Year’s-related Renaissance projects.  I haven’t moved to Portlandia or succumbed to the dark side.  I own exactly zero crocheted berets, I’m not a fan of kombucha, and I have plotted no grand design of health-food domination.  I’m just still trying to come down from a particularly excessive holiday season followed by a week of decadence in Northern California is all.  Please don’t judge me.

And if you really want to know the truth, I’m beginning to get a little tired of all of this rampant over-meating.  Every time I open a menu it’s foie gras and pork belly and rillettes and offal and for the love of God even the vegetables are cooked in duck fat.  I’m not exceptionally prepared to answer to a cultural discourse on the matter, or even to judge it one way or the other, but I just sort of miss the times when going out to eat didn’t necessarily mean that your cholesterol levels skyrocketed before you even got your plate of food.

I spent many of my teen and early twenty-something years being cynical, disillusioned, and glued to Depeche Mode albums.  I was a fair-weather vegetarian, meaning that I genuinely adhered to the rules of lacto-ovo living for a long time until confronted with the man who changed everything for me…..and who happened to come from a carnivorous Polish family of amazing cooks, and well…..sometimes the way to a woman’s heart involves a little trip through the stomach, too.

I don’t profess to do “whole eating” the way that 101 Cookbooks does, or the way that Sprouted Kitchen does, or the way that Not Without Salt does, either.  I love what they do (and they do it so beautifully), but I can’t ignore the part of me that just really loves meat.  I guess that for the time being, though, I’m shoving a meatless stake in the ground purely in the name of utter deliciousness, a bit of temperance, and feeling happy.  You won’t eat this and need to take a nap afterward.  You won’t proclaim (or even complain) that you must scurry off immediately to the nearest gym in shame.  Instead, you will think you’ve just eaten something rather tasty indeed, and you might just even be surprised to find that tofu is actually kind of yummy sometimes.  If you must, you can substitute the tofu for cooked shiitake mushrooms, chicken, beef, pork, or fish, or you can even omit it entirely.

If you’ve never made soba noodles before, fear not!  It’s just like cooking pasta, but quicker.  In fact, the whole recipe is pretty fast, making it the perfect one-dish weeknight supper.  Because it holds up well at room temperature and even chilled, you can bring the leftovers to work the next day for lunch and make everyone jealous.

Ingredients:

Peanut oil, for coating the pan

1 14-ounce package of extra-firm tofu, drained, patted dry, and sliced into “slabs” about 3/4″ thick

2 bundles of dried buckwheat soba noodles (NOTE:  Soba noodles are usually sold in little bundles that look like this.)

1/3 cup frozen, shelled edamame

2 tbsp. soy sauce

2 tbsp. rice wine vinegar

1 tbsp. peanut oil

1 tsp. sesame oil

1 thumb-sized piece of fresh ginger root, washed, peeled, and chopped very fine

1 medium carrot, washed, peeled, trimmed, and cut en julienne

1/2 small red onion, washed, peeled, and sliced into very thin half-moons

1 jalapeño pepper (or 2 serrano peppers), washed, trimmed, seeds and white ribs removed, and chopped very fine

3 scallions, washed, trimmed, and sliced thinly on a bias (NOTE:  Both white and green parts are fine to use.)

Big handful fresh cilantro leaves, washed, dried well, and chopped very fine

Big handful of roasted, unsalted peanuts, coarsely chopped

Kosher salt & freshly ground black pepper

Instructions:

1.  Place a non-stick skillet over medium-high heat.  When the pan gets nice and hot, add just enough peanut oil to lightly coat the cooking surface.  Sear the tofu “slabs” on each side until deeply golden-brown, about 5-7 minutes per side.  Work in batches if necessary so as not to overcrowd the pan.  When the tofu is finished searing, transfer immediately to a paper-towel lined plate and sprinkle lightly with salt.  Reserve.

2.  To cook the soba noodles and edamame, fill a medium saucepan with water and add a small handful of kosher salt.  Place the saucepan on the stove and bring the water to a boil over high heat.

3.  Meanwhile, add the soy sauce, rice wine vinegar, peanut oil, sesame oil, ginger, and garlic to a large stainless steel or glass bowl.  Whisk together until well-combined.  Set aside.

4.  When the water is at a nice boil, drop in all of the soba noodles and cook for exactly 4 minutes.  Add the frozen edamame to the pot and continue to cook for 1 more minute.  Drain the soba and edamame well, and add to the large bowl with the soy sauce mixture.  Toss gently to combine well.  Slice the reserved tofu into cubes, and add to the bowl, along with the carrot, red onion, jalapeño pepper, scallions, and cilantro.  Gently toss once again to combine.  Season to taste with kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper.  Transfer to a serving bowls, sprinkle with the peanuts, and serve.  (NOTE:  This dish works best served at room temperature, making it an excellent choice for picnics or potlucks.  Try to gobble it all up within at least 24 hours of making, as the soy sauce will begin to break down the noodles and make them mushy after that.)

Yield:  4 hearty servings of healthy

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