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Appetizers, Hors D’Oeuvres, & Canapes
Pissaladiére
“It was a meal that we shall never forget; more accurately, it was several meals that we shall never forget, because it went beyond the gastronomic frontiers of anything we had ever experienced, both in quantity and length. It started with homemade pizza – not one, but three: anchovy, mushroom, and cheese, and it was obligatory to have a slice of each.” -Peter Mayle, British writer and ex-advertising industry drone, in his famous book A Year in Provence
Black Pepper Beef Jerky
“I like beef jerky and the comedy stylings of Gallagher.” -Orson Welles-esque The Brain (of Pinky & The Brain fame), determined to pass for a country singer in yet another world domination plot
Homemade Ricotta Cheese
“Society is commonly too cheap. We meet at very short intervals, not having had time to acquire any new value for each other. We meet at meals three times a day, and give each other a new taste of that old musty cheese that we are.” -Henry David Thoreau, American transcendentalist, tree-hugger, political activist, and writer
Homemade Bagels
“You are getting sleepy. You…..are no longer a cat. You are a bagel.” -ALF, wise-guy Melmac ex-pat alien and late-80′s sitcom hero, attempting to hypnotize Lucky, the Tanner’s cat
Classic Insalata Caprese
“Three tomatoes are walking down the street: a Poppa tomato, a Momma tomato, & a little baby tomato. Baby tomato starts lagging behind. Poppa tomato gets angry, goes over to the baby tomato, & smooshes him…..& says, “Catch up!” -The radiant Uma Thurman as Mia Wallace in Quentin Tarantino’s classic 1994 film Pulp Fiction
Thin-Crust Pizza with Fresh Figs, Goat Cheese, and Arugula
“Aaah, a marriage made in heaven. A frog and a pig. We can have bouncing baby figs.” -The Muppet Show’s wind-up Robot Kermit, who, unlike real Kermit, openly showed his affection for Miss Piggy
Crostini with Grilled Radish, Anchovy Compound Butter, & Micro Greens
“I know I’m an acquired taste – I’m anchovies. And not everybody wants those hairy little things.” -Tori Amos, American pianist, singer, composer, lyrical master, and fellow redhead
Wild Sea Bass Ceviche with Avocado, Purple Potatoes, & Fried Plantains
“It is almost as if happiness is an acquired taste, like coconut cordial or ceviche, to which you can eventually become accustomed, but despair is something surprising each time you encounter it.” -Lemony Snicket, pseudonym and alter-ego of American children’s writer Daniel Handler
Homemade Pizza with Green Olive Tapenade & Buffalo Mozzarella
“Being in this band in the early 1980′s made you feel like you were part of a pizza.” -Roger Taylor, drummer of English 80′s superband Duran Duran
Kale Chips
“I like to pick my own vegetables.” -Shelley Duvall, iconic & quirky American actress, and creator of one of my favorite childhood Betamax rentals, Shelley Duvall’s Faerie Tale Theater
Curried Zucchini Apple Soup with Yogurt & Pomegranate Seeds
“Only the pure of heart can make good soup.” -Ludwig van Beethoven, prolific and influential German composer/badass of the late 1700′s. Neither severe tinnitus nor total deafness stopped him from creating some of the most beautiful music the world has ever known.
Home-Cured Gravlax
“You piss me off you Salmon…..You’re too expensive in restaurants.” -Eddie Izzard, incredible British comedian, actor, and occasional transvestite
Classic Guacamole
“I have an enormous amount of trouble trying to get people to come to my place. I hate it. I can’t tell you how much leftover guacamole I have ended up eating over the years. I don’t even know why I make it in such great quantities.” -Michael Scott, Dunder Mifflin’s clueless and awkward boss on the American version of Ricky Gervais’s brilliant “The Office”
Crostini with Farmer Cheese, Radish, and Dill Spread
“I always wanted to be a farmer. There is a tradition of that in my family.” -Björk, eccentric Icelandic singer, avant-garde composer, producer, and actress I used to date a lovely lad named Jeremi, whose family is equally lovely. They live in an incredible apartment on Roosevelt Island overlooking the East River and the Manhattan [...]