
“We have so much in common, we both love soup and snow peas, we love the outdoors, and talking and not talking. We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about.” -Actress Jennifer Coolidge as voluptuous trophy wife Sherri Ann Cabot in Christopher Guest’s hilarious mockumentary Best In Show

“Everything you see exists together in a delicate balance. As king, you need to understand that balance and respect all the creatures, from the crawling ant to the leaping antelope.” -Mufasa, father of Simba and graceful, noble king of the lions, in Disney’s timeless animated classic, The Lion King

“Well, it’s mostly lentils, but there’s some crockery mixed in.” -Nigel Planer as politically depressed neu-hippie Neil Pye in the early-80′s BBC Britcom comedy of manners The Young Ones

“Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.” -George Carlin, American comedian, potty-mouth, and mentor-from-the-future

“The hen is the egg’s way of making another egg.” -Victorian-era thinker, amateur evolutionist, utopian, and writer Samuel Butler

“Thank you Mario, but our Princess is in another castle.” -Toad the Mushroom Retainer, guardian of Mushroom Kingdom’s Princess Peach, bumming out 1980′s children everywhere in the wildly popular 8-bit Nintendo Entertainment System game Super Mario Bros.

“Fine, let’s take a vote. Who wants fish for dinner?…Yeah, democracy ain’t so fun when it f*s you, huh?” -Retired radiologist Sam Halpern on his son Justin’s famous Twitter account “Shit My Dad Says”

“I think that what we actually need, of course, is a little more dirt on the seat of our pants as we sit on the front stoop & talk to our neighbors once again, enjoying the type of summer day where the smell of garlic travels slightly faster than the speed of sound.” -Harvey Milk, revolutionary American politician & first openly gay man ever to be elected to public office in the state of California

“Everyone [in Mexico] is always daring each other to do something stupid. Get on a cow, get on a bull, let’s have a wrestle, eat a worm…..It’s never-ending.” -Round-headed buffoon (and possibly the most un-intentionally funny & un-wittingly brilliant human being alive), Karl Pilkington, after running from homemade fireworks & training to be a luchador in Mexico on Sky1′s brilliant comedy An Idiot Abroad

“Ribs? Great…..why don’t you just kick the dentures out of my mouth?” -Late American actress Estelle Getty as pint-sized Sicilian pistol Sophia Petrillo on the brilliant 80′s sitcom The Golden Girls

“People who count their chickens before they are hatched act very wisely because chickens run about so absurdly that it’s impossible to count them accurately.” -Oscar Wilde, 19th century Irish writer, sexually ambiguous lover of beauty, and total brat

“Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen.” -John Steinbeck, American novelist and writer of one of my most all-time most favoritest books (I have a lot of those), East of Eden

“On my fifth trip to France I limited myself to the words and phrases that people actually use….Things began to come together, and I went from speaking like an evil baby to speaking like a hillbilly. “Is thems the thoughts of cows?” I’d ask the butcher, pointing to the calves’ brains displayed in the front window. “I want me some lamb chop with handles on ‘em.” -David Sedaris, American story-teller and frequent NPR contributor, in his year 2000 essay collection Me Talk Pretty One Day

“The time has come,’ the walrus said, ‘to talk of many things: of shoes and ships and sealing wax – of cabbages and kings.” -Lewis Carroll, British author, clergyman, mathematician, and photographer, from his classic book Through the Looking Glass

“If things start happening, don’t worry, don’t stew, just go right along and you’ll start happening too.” -Dr. Seuss, pseudonym of American writer/illustrator Theodor Seuss Geisel, writer of (hands, like, totally down) my most beloved and revered children’s books ever in the history of…..ever

“Nobody loves me, nobody cares. Nobody picks me peaches and pears.” -Shel Silverstein, American writer, poet, and composer

“I travel the world, and I’m happy to say that America is still the great melting pot – maybe a chunky stew rather than a melting pot at this point, but you know what I mean.” -Philip Glass, American composer