
“I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that’s when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.” -Demetri Martin, American Comedian & Smarty-Pants Polymath

“You are getting sleepy. You…..are no longer a cat. You are a bagel.” -ALF, wise-guy Melmac ex-pat alien and late-80′s sitcom hero, attempting to hypnotize Lucky, the Tanner’s cat

“Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.” -Groucho Marx, be-moustached, be-spectacled American comedian & vaudevillian

“I’ve got it all in here. Ultra Violets. Flying Saucers. Strawberry Bootlace. C’mon. Get involved.” -Self-proclaimed “confuser” Noel Fielding as “The Hitcher” in the trippy, brilliant television version of Britain’s so-so-so-good The Mighty Boosh

“He puts some MacAttack Mac & Cheese in the microwave and dons headphones and takes out a video game so he won’t be bored during the forty seconds it takes his lunch to cook.” -George Saunders, awesome American writer/satirist, from his 2006 short story collection In Persuasion Nation

“If you’ve got a dollar and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you’ve got 71 cents left; but if you’ve got seventeen grand and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you’ve still got seventeen grand. There’s a math lesson for you.” -Steve Martin, American comedian, actor, banjo player, and frequent Saturday Night Live guest

“Mmmmm…..unexplained bacon.” -Homer Simpson, Renaissance (Every)Man, beer guzzler, patriarch of The Simpsons family, and die-hard bacon fanatic

“If things start happening, don’t worry, don’t stew, just go right along and you’ll start happening too.” -Dr. Seuss, pseudonym of American writer/illustrator Theodor Seuss Geisel, writer of (hands, like, totally down) my most beloved and revered children’s books ever in the history of…..ever

“All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbecue and there was no meat, I would say “Yo Goober! Where’s the meat?” I’m trying to impress people, here, Lisa. You don’t win friends with salad.” -Homer Simpson, lovable carnivore and patriarch of The Simpsons family

“Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they’re made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear.” -Lemony Snicket, pseudonym of Daniel Handler, the wonderful author of perfectly un-PC, slightly topsy-turvy children’s stories

“Nobody calls me chicken, Needles. Nobody.” -The magically non-aging Michael J. Fox as the excitable time-traveller Marty McFly in Back to the Future, Part II

“Bib and napkin, knife and fork, is the only way that I’ll touch pork.” -Kermit the Frog to Miss Piggy, as he rejects her constant advances yet again

“The chili I ate made for an explosive bathroom experience. I don’t know how to put this delicately, but I missed the toilet entirely.” -Seth Green, American actor and comedian

“Being American is to eat a lot of beef steak, and boy, we’ve got a lot more beef steak than any other country, and that’s why you ought to be glad you’re an American. And people have started looking at these big hunks of bloody meat on their plates, you know, and wondering what on Earth they think they’re doing.” -Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., American writer and satirist

“In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.” -Carl Sagan, American Astronomer, Author, and Personal Hero

“After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relatives.” -Oscar Wilde, late 19th century Irish playwright, poet, and author A while back, I started asking around in my family if they could help me with a project I was working on. I wanted to begin to collect the recipes of our family [...]

“An army marches on its stomach.” -Napoleon Bonaparte, French military and political figure Until I was 9 years old, my family lived in South Bend, Indiana. My Father was a graduate of the school of architecture at University of Notre Dame and my Mother was born and raised there. Having moved to Colorado for my [...]

“It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems with just potatoes.” -Douglas Adams, British author, satirist, and mastermind of the incredible “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”

“As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable – until I realized it wasn’t a nectarine at all, but a HUMAN HEAD!!” -Jack Handey, American author and humorist Oddly enough, I was inspired to create a fruit crumble by my new camera. I really wanted to [...]

“The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I’ll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn’t get more meat, I’ll just say ‘Oh, you mean this?’ and pull out a big piece of meat [...]

“I’ll have the smiley face breakfast special. Uhh, but could you add a bacon nose? Plus bacon hair, bacon moustache, five-o’clock shadow made of bacon bits, and a bacon body.” -Homer Simpson, endlessly quotable, lovable, dense (yet strangely wise and prolific) father to one of the greatest television families of all time, The Simpsons.

“I travel the world, and I’m happy to say that America is still the great melting pot – maybe a chunky stew rather than a melting pot at this point, but you know what I mean.” -Philip Glass, American composer This recipe is one of my first inventions since starting culinary school. The inspiration came [...]

“Fatherhood is telling your daughter that Michael Jackson loves all his fans, but has special feelings for the ones that eat broccoli.” -Bill Cosby, American comedian & author This is a family recipe I am especially proud to share, as it comes from my paternal Grandma Rose. She (as you may know if you’ve read [...]