
“Waiter, there is too much pepper on my paprikash. But I would be proud to partake of your pecan pie.” -Comedian Billy Crystal starring as Harry Burns in the classic New York City love story When Harry Met Sally

“When any lagged behind, the cry of ‘blueberries’ was most effectual to bring them up.” -Henry David Thoreau, American poet, transcendentalist, and tree-hugger

“Would I blow everyone’s mind if I ate dessert first?” -The adorable Richard Ayoade as Reynholm Industries’ resident socially awkward über-nerd, Moss, on the hysterically funny Channel 4 comedy The IT Crowd

“It can laugh all it wants. The galaxy’s not getting any of our bourbon.” -Commander Charles “Trip” Tucker III (played by actor Connor Trinneer), the Enterprise’s chief engineer on the failed UPN series Star Trek: Enterprise

“Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.” -Groucho Marx, be-moustached, be-spectacled American comedian & vaudevillian

“I’ve got it all in here. Ultra Violets. Flying Saucers. Strawberry Bootlace. C’mon. Get involved.” -Self-proclaimed “confuser” Noel Fielding as “The Hitcher” in the trippy, brilliant television version of Britain’s so-so-so-good The Mighty Boosh

“Music can lift us out of depression or move us to tears – it is a remedy, a tonic, orange juice for the ear.” -Oliver Sacks, British neurologist, author, and all-around fascinating human

“C is for ‘Cookie,’ and cookie is for me.” -Cookie Monster, Sesame Street’s lovable (and slightly psychotic) sweet-toothed Muppet

“In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.” -Carl Sagan, American Astronomer, Author, and Personal Hero

“After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relatives.” -Oscar Wilde, late 19th century Irish playwright, poet, and author

“Let us learn to appreciate there will be times when the trees will be bare, and look forward to the time when we may pick the fruit.” -Anton Chekhov, Russian writer and father of the modern short story

“In Hollywood, the women are all peaches. It makes one long for an apple occasionally.” -W. Somerset Maugham, English writer and author of one of my favorite books, The Razor’s Edge

“As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable – until I realized it wasn’t a nectarine at all, but a HUMAN HEAD!!” -Jack Handey, American author and humorist