
“I am the emperor, and I want dumplings.” -Holy Roman Emperor Ferdinand I, fiercely Catholic leader of much of Central & Eastern Europe during the late 1500′s

“A salad is not a meal. It is a style.” -Feisty, chain-smoking New York-based writer, humorist, and iconic trend-setter Fran Lebowitz

“Can I have a falafel with hot sauce, a side order of babaganouj, and a seltzer, please?” -90′s indie darling Parker Posey in Daisy Von Scherler Mayer’s 1995 nightlife comedy Party Girl

“I have to quit these peas. Peas are no good for me, I better try corn or beans.” -Stephen King, American master of horror, fantasy, and suspenseful writing, in his best-selling 1994 novel Insomnia

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it’s ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” -Albert Einstein, German-born patent clerk, scientific visionary, and enviably humble human

“Very well, I will marry you if you promise not to make me eat eggplant.” -Colombian author Gabriel García Márquez in his celebrated examination of the complexities involved in matters of the heart, Love In The Time Of Cholera

“It’s not everyone that can say that he has had cholera three times, and cured himself by living on red pepper and brandy.” -Arthur Conan Doyle, Scottish doctor, writer, and creator of fictional detective Sherlock Holmes

“If I had a choice between pie heaven and regular heaven, I’d choose pie heaven. It’s probably a trick, but if it’s not, Mmmmmmm boy.” -The unstoppable Jack Handey, who almost never fails to make me laugh just a little bit

“Once, in college, I pooped my pants a little bit at a Country Steaks all-you-can-eat buffet and I didn’t leave until I finished my second plate of shrimp.” -Tina Fey as the lovable Liz Lemon, lover of junk food and Star Wars, on NBC’s consistently funny hit comedy 30 Rock

“Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.” -George Carlin, American comedian, potty-mouth, and mentor-from-the-future

“Now take your wiener schnitzel lickin’ finger and point out on this map what I want to know.” -Mr. Pitt-comma-Bradley as Southern-born scalper Lt. Aldo Raine, getting very serious about his desire for Nazi whereabouts in Quentin Tarantino’s 2009 box-office smash Inglorious Basterds

“I may not know much, but I know chicken shit from chicken salad.” -Lyndon B. Johnson, 36th American president and consistent deliverer of badass one-liners

“Uh yeah, I’ll have a Tom Collins.” -Charmingly-schnozzed American actor Owen Wilson as Dignan in Wes Anderson’s 1996 breakout film, Bottle Rocket

“I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that’s when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.” -Demetri Martin, American Comedian & Smarty-Pants Polymath

“Society is commonly too cheap. We meet at very short intervals, not having had time to acquire any new value for each other. We meet at meals three times a day, and give each other a new taste of that old musty cheese that we are.” -Henry David Thoreau, American transcendentalist, tree-hugger, political activist, and writer

“I know I’m an acquired taste – I’m anchovies. And not everybody wants those hairy little things.” -Tori Amos, American pianist, singer, composer, lyrical master, and fellow redhead

“Being in this band in the early 1980′s made you feel like you were part of a pizza.” -Roger Taylor, drummer of English 80′s superband Duran Duran

“If my life were a movie, this is where I would go out for popcorn.” -Charles Schultz, American cartoonist and creator of the Peanuts gang

“It happens every time. They all become blueberries.” -Gene Wilder, quirky American actor (and once-upon-a-time husband to the amazing Gilda Radner) as Willy Wonka in the brilliant 1971 film adaptation of Roald Dahl’s beloved book Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

“I ate them like salad, books were my sandwich for lunch, my tiffin and dinner and midnight munch.” -Ray Bradbury, American sci-fi master and one of my most favoritest authors of all time

“I think that fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge?” -Douglas Adams, British satirist and mastermind of the incredible Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, which every human being should read at least once

“Human beings, vegetables, or cosmic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible piper.” -Albert Einstein, German-born theoretical physicist

“I think somebody should come up with a way to breed a very large shrimp. That way, you could ride him, then after you camped at night, you could eat him. How about it, science?” -Jack Handey, the endlessly quotable creator of Saturday Night Live’s “Deep Thoughts”