
“They’re only noodles Michael.” -Kiefer Sutherland as David, the darkly smug leader of Santa Carla’s vampire gang, in Joel Schumacher’s classic 1987 movie The Lost Boys

“I have to quit these peas. Peas are no good for me, I better try corn or beans.” -Stephen King, American master of horror, fantasy, and suspenseful writing, in his best-selling 1994 novel Insomnia

“Soup won’t be computerized.” -Carlie Westerman expressing optimism for the future as Sylvie in Miranda July’s quirky and brilliant 2005 film Me And You And Everyone We Know

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it’s ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” -Albert Einstein, German-born patent clerk, scientific visionary, and enviably humble human

“Everything you see I owe to spaghetti.” -Legendary Italian screen goddess Sophia Loren on her beautiful figure

“I don’t care what they say, kale is a good garnish, I don’t think it’s ready to anchor a meal.” -Jesse Tyler Ferguson as Mitchell Prichett on the popular ABC comedy Modern Family

“One grain of sand. That’s all that remains of my vast empire.” -Doe-eyed Childlike Empress, the fading, heart-broken, actually-very-old ruler of Fantasia in Wolfgang Petersen’s 1984 film adaptation of The Neverending Story

“I’m a wild man. I live in these tunnels eating roots and mushrooms. I’m crazy. I could do anything!” -Norwegian Blue Lion pilot Sven, in the depths of madness while marooned on Planet Doom, in the popular mid-80′s Japanese animated series Voltron

“Everyone [in Mexico] is always daring each other to do something stupid. Get on a cow, get on a bull, let’s have a wrestle, eat a worm…..It’s never-ending.” -Round-headed buffoon (and possibly the most un-intentionally funny & un-wittingly brilliant human being alive), Karl Pilkington, after running from homemade fireworks & training to be a luchador in Mexico on Sky1′s brilliant comedy An Idiot Abroad

“Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.” -Albert Camus, 20th century French Algerian writer, revolutionary, absurdist, and Nobel Prize for Literature recipient

“What do you do when the lights are too bright? You dim sum.” -My awesome Daddy, American architect, food/wine nerd, and frequent deliverer of terrible, eye-roll-inducing jokes like this one

“I may not know much, but I know chicken shit from chicken salad.” -Lyndon B. Johnson, 36th American president and consistent deliverer of badass one-liners

“It was a meal that we shall never forget; more accurately, it was several meals that we shall never forget, because it went beyond the gastronomic frontiers of anything we had ever experienced, both in quantity and length. It started with homemade pizza – not one, but three: anchovy, mushroom, and cheese, and it was obligatory to have a slice of each.” -Peter Mayle, British writer and ex-advertising industry drone, in his famous book A Year in Provence

“I believe that all anyone really wants in life is to sit in peace & eat a sandwich.” -American writer & actress Tina Fey as alter-ego Liz Lemon on NBC’s 30 Rock

“Only the pure of heart can make good soup.” -Ludwig van Beethoven, prolific and influential German composer/badass of the late 1700′s. Neither severe tinnitus nor total deafness stopped him from creating some of the most beautiful music the world has ever known.

“You piss me off you Salmon…..You’re too expensive in restaurants.” -Eddie Izzard, incredible British comedian, actor, and occasional transvestite

“To make a good salad is to be a brilliant diplomatist – the problem is entirely the same in both cases. To know exactly how much oil one must put with one’s vinegar.” -Oscar Wilde, Irish rabble-rouser, author, playwright, and poet

“Human beings, vegetables, or cosmic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible piper.” -Albert Einstein, German-born theoretical physicist

“I think somebody should come up with a way to breed a very large shrimp. That way, you could ride him, then after you camped at night, you could eat him. How about it, science?” -Jack Handey, the endlessly quotable creator of Saturday Night Live’s “Deep Thoughts”