
“Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.” -Legendary American author, pistol, troubled entrepreneur, and avid traveller Mark Twain

“Here, taste my tuna casserole and tell me if I put in too much hot fudge.” -Legendary American film-maker Woody Allen as Larry Lipton in his 1993 film Manhattan Murder Mystery

“I’d like to see you move up to the goat class, where I think you belong.” -Iconic American science-fiction writer Philip K. Dick, in his 1968 Blade Runner-inspiring story Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?

“I’m chill. I’m chill as a cucumber, man.” -Canadian actor/comedian Seth Rogen as process server Dale Denton in Judd Apatow’s 2008 celebration of stoner hijinks, Pineapple Express

“Left wing, chicken wing, it don’t make no difference to me.” -American Depression-era folk legend Woody Guthrie

“They’re only noodles Michael.” -Kiefer Sutherland as David, the darkly smug leader of Santa Carla’s vampire gang, in Joel Schumacher’s classic 1987 movie The Lost Boys

“I have to quit these peas. Peas are no good for me, I better try corn or beans.” -Stephen King, American master of horror, fantasy, and suspenseful writing, in his best-selling 1994 novel Insomnia

“We have so much in common, we both love soup and snow peas, we love the outdoors, and talking and not talking. We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about.” -Actress Jennifer Coolidge as voluptuous trophy wife Sherri Ann Cabot in Christopher Guest’s hilarious mockumentary Best In Show

“Everything you see exists together in a delicate balance. As king, you need to understand that balance and respect all the creatures, from the crawling ant to the leaping antelope.” -Mufasa, father of Simba and graceful, noble king of the lions, in Disney’s timeless animated classic, The Lion King

“I don’t care what they say, kale is a good garnish, I don’t think it’s ready to anchor a meal.” -Jesse Tyler Ferguson as Mitchell Prichett on the popular ABC comedy Modern Family

“No, I do not want a biscotti with that.” “God! How can you stand these assholes?” “Some people are OK, but mostly I just feel like poisoning everybody.” -Thora Birch’s Enid and Scarlett Johansson’s Rebecca reacting to a rude coffee shop customer in 2001′s indie darling Ghost World

“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has laid an egg cackles as if she had laid an asteroid.” ―Samuel Clemens, better known as the one-and-only Mark Twain, American writer and travel enthusiast

“Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.” -Infamously unhinged renegade Tyler Durden in American author Chuck Palahniuk’s 1996 novel Fight Club

“Yes the world may stop and the world may spin. It’s all the same to the clam.” -The brilliant and prolific children’s book author (among other things) Shel Silverstein, from his beloved collection A Light In The Attic

“It’s not everyone that can say that he has had cholera three times, and cured himself by living on red pepper and brandy.” -Arthur Conan Doyle, Scottish doctor, writer, and creator of fictional detective Sherlock Holmes

“One grain of sand. That’s all that remains of my vast empire.” -Doe-eyed Childlike Empress, the fading, heart-broken, actually-very-old ruler of Fantasia in Wolfgang Petersen’s 1984 film adaptation of The Neverending Story

“All these years I’ve been petting lambs when I should have been shoving them in my mouth.” -Noted Scientologist, stock car enthusiast, and voice actress Nancy Cartwright as her most famous character, the eternally mischievous and lovable Bart Simpson

“I’m a wild man. I live in these tunnels eating roots and mushrooms. I’m crazy. I could do anything!” -Norwegian Blue Lion pilot Sven, in the depths of madness while marooned on Planet Doom, in the popular mid-80′s Japanese animated series Voltron

“Well, it’s mostly lentils, but there’s some crockery mixed in.” -Nigel Planer as politically depressed neu-hippie Neil Pye in the early-80′s BBC Britcom comedy of manners The Young Ones

“Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.” -George Carlin, American comedian, potty-mouth, and mentor-from-the-future

“The hen is the egg’s way of making another egg.” -Victorian-era thinker, amateur evolutionist, utopian, and writer Samuel Butler

“Now take your wiener schnitzel lickin’ finger and point out on this map what I want to know.” -Mr. Pitt-comma-Bradley as Southern-born scalper Lt. Aldo Raine, getting very serious about his desire for Nazi whereabouts in Quentin Tarantino’s 2009 box-office smash Inglorious Basterds

“I benefit from the Mr. Potato Head syndrome. Put a wig and a nose and glasses on me, and I disappear.” -Phil Hartman, immensely talented and sadly passed-before-his-time Canadian-American comedian, actor, and alum of such awesomeness as SNL, Pee-Wee’s Playhouse, and The Simpsons

“Thank you Mario, but our Princess is in another castle.” -Toad the Mushroom Retainer, guardian of Mushroom Kingdom’s Princess Peach, bumming out 1980′s children everywhere in the wildly popular 8-bit Nintendo Entertainment System game Super Mario Bros.