
“Being in this band in the early 1980′s made you feel like you were part of a pizza.” -Roger Taylor, drummer of English 80′s superband Duran Duran

“He puts some MacAttack Mac & Cheese in the microwave and dons headphones and takes out a video game so he won’t be bored during the forty seconds it takes his lunch to cook.” -George Saunders, awesome American writer/satirist, from his 2006 short story collection In Persuasion Nation

“If my life were a movie, this is where I would go out for popcorn.” -Charles Schultz, American cartoonist and creator of the Peanuts gang

“If you’ve got a dollar and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you’ve got 71 cents left; but if you’ve got seventeen grand and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you’ve still got seventeen grand. There’s a math lesson for you.” -Steve Martin, American comedian, actor, banjo player, and frequent Saturday Night Live guest

“Mmmmm…..unexplained bacon.” -Homer Simpson, Renaissance (Every)Man, beer guzzler, patriarch of The Simpsons family, and die-hard bacon fanatic

“Only the pure of heart can make good soup.” -Ludwig van Beethoven, prolific and influential German composer/badass of the late 1700′s. Neither severe tinnitus nor total deafness stopped him from creating some of the most beautiful music the world has ever known.

“To make a good salad is to be a brilliant diplomatist – the problem is entirely the same in both cases. To know exactly how much oil one must put with one’s vinegar.” -Oscar Wilde, Irish rabble-rouser, author, playwright, and poet

“If things start happening, don’t worry, don’t stew, just go right along and you’ll start happening too.” -Dr. Seuss, pseudonym of American writer/illustrator Theodor Seuss Geisel, writer of (hands, like, totally down) my most beloved and revered children’s books ever in the history of…..ever

“I ate them like salad, books were my sandwich for lunch, my tiffin and dinner and midnight munch.” -Ray Bradbury, American sci-fi master and one of my most favoritest authors of all time

“I’d rather be shut up in a very modest cottage, with my books, my family, and a few old friends, dining on simple bacon, and letting the world roll on as it liked, than to occupy the most splendid post which any human power can give.” -Thomas Jefferson, American badass (and forefather, and yeah, President – but mostly a badass)

“All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbecue and there was no meat, I would say “Yo Goober! Where’s the meat?” I’m trying to impress people, here, Lisa. You don’t win friends with salad.” -Homer Simpson, lovable carnivore and patriarch of The Simpsons family

“I think that fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge?” -Douglas Adams, British satirist and mastermind of the incredible Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, which every human being should read at least once

“Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they’re made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear.” -Lemony Snicket, pseudonym of Daniel Handler, the wonderful author of perfectly un-PC, slightly topsy-turvy children’s stories

“Nobody calls me chicken, Needles. Nobody.” -The magically non-aging Michael J. Fox as the excitable time-traveller Marty McFly in Back to the Future, Part II

“Bib and napkin, knife and fork, is the only way that I’ll touch pork.” -Kermit the Frog to Miss Piggy, as he rejects her constant advances yet again

“I wonder what you’d have on the side with a plate of Deep-Fried Anxiety. Pickles? Coleslaw? Potato-Strychnine mash?” -Robin McKinley, American writer and repeat Newbery offender (man I loved Newbery books as a kid…..The Westing Game! Ramona Quimby, Age 8! Sigh.)

“I have an enormous amount of trouble trying to get people to come to my place. I hate it. I can’t tell you how much leftover guacamole I have ended up eating over the years. I don’t even know why I make it in such great quantities.” -Michael Scott, Dunder Mifflin’s clueless and awkward boss on the American version of Ricky Gervais’s brilliant “The Office”

“The chili I ate made for an explosive bathroom experience. I don’t know how to put this delicately, but I missed the toilet entirely.” -Seth Green, American actor and comedian

“Nobody loves me, nobody cares. Nobody picks me peaches and pears.” -Shel Silverstein, American writer, poet, and composer

“Being American is to eat a lot of beef steak, and boy, we’ve got a lot more beef steak than any other country, and that’s why you ought to be glad you’re an American. And people have started looking at these big hunks of bloody meat on their plates, you know, and wondering what on Earth they think they’re doing.” -Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., American writer and satirist

“The true harvest of my life is intangible – a little star dust caught, a portion of the rainbow I have clutched.” -Henry David Thoreau, American transcendentalist and writer

“I always wanted to be a farmer. There is a tradition of that in my family.” -Björk, eccentric Icelandic singer, avant-garde composer, producer, and actress

“Human beings, vegetables, or cosmic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible piper.” -Albert Einstein, German-born theoretical physicist

“I think somebody should come up with a way to breed a very large shrimp. That way, you could ride him, then after you camped at night, you could eat him. How about it, science?” -Jack Handey, the endlessly quotable creator of Saturday Night Live’s “Deep Thoughts”